


Barth Lost At Sea

by NotGloria (VegabondGloria)



Category: Fire Emblem Echoes: Mou Hitori no Eiyuu Ou | Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia, Fire Emblem Series
Genre: Badass Celica, Badass Genny, Badass Mae, Boey Saber Valbar Leon and Kamui are part of their fanclub, Gen, Pirates, Please step on me you three, Salty Author is Salty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-02
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2019-01-08 01:23:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12244377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VegabondGloria/pseuds/NotGloria
Summary: Because Celica, Mae, and Genny are totaaaaaally weak and helpless, right? And no one except the pirates exist! Who is this "Boey" and "Saber" you speak of?





	Barth Lost At Sea

**Author's Note:**

> Seriously, some genuinely nice stuff is uploaded to DeviantArt and it's why I still use it? But fuck 75% of the userbase tbh.

This was a terrible idea from the start. Why did Celica think that she and her comrades could defeat Barth the pirate king?

There were so, so many pirates. They were greasy, smelled of salt and fish, and they were approaching them with devious grins as she, Mae and Genny backed towards the rolling waves. They carried in their hands not just axes, but ropes, ball gags, and the outfits they had planned to force them into. They were skimpy things—too short skirts, low-cut blouses, and thigh-high stockings.

Barth was at the head of this gang of villains and he let out a horrendous laugh. “Yar har har! Ye foolish priestess! I can’t believe you though’t you had a chance again’t me, Barth! You three wenches will be perfect to spruce up the keep and give me boys some fun!”

“I-it’s…it’s too much Celica,” Genny wept softly. Her knees were shaking and she looked frightened out of her mind. Mae looked no better. There were tears in her eyes and she looked about ready to beg for them to refrain from touching them.

“Celica, please! If we surrender now, maybe they’ll be nice about all the illegal groping.”

“Illegal groping?” Barth scoffed. “What do it matt’r? This is a fantasy world! It doesn’t matter that two of you are officially 17 and one of you is 15! Everythin’ goes when it comes to th’ fetish of bondage!”

“Including the physical and psychological damage?”

Celica had finally spoken. Her hands were balled into fists at her sides and she sounded positively _livid._ “You know, there is such thing as bondage with consent. That’s how any sexual relationship involving BDSM should be; safe and consensual.”

“What the hell you spoutin’, wench?” Barth spat. He and his men were looking rather irritated at her annoying lecture, but Celica continued to stand her ground. Genny and Mae were also beginning to perk up—Genny still looked a little nervous, but Mae looked very _pissed._

“But apparently safe and consensual isn’t good enough for you. You can only masturbate over material that has the women involved completely helpless and miserable. It doesn’t even matter if the characters are underage! Everything is fap material as long as you simply say ‘ _the characters have been aged up for this fic/fanart’_ in the description. Really?!”

And then Celica stomped her foot into the sand. Barth flinched, expecting some sort of crazy surprise, but was instead met with something _ludicrous_ —five other men of varying ages had randomly appeared out of nowhere and they all looked angry. Very angry.

“Another thing; supposedly my only comrades are Genny and Mae, who are just as _weak, pathetic_ , and _dimwitted_ as I am to face a bunch of pirates who can _so easily_ overpower us. Whatever happened Saber, Boey, Valbar, Leon, and Kamui? Were they killed offscreen just because being nice and not a rapist makes you a squishable gnat? Do they not exist at all? Or did they just not care about our safety? Because let me tell you bud, even though I’d rather they not sacrifice their lives for me, they would jump in front of _Duma_ ’s divine might for me!”

Okay, Barth was quaking in his boots, but he wouldn’t back down! He would never back down from some weak underage wench he was gonna fuck later! But then he heard his men yelping and wildly looked around. The ropes, ball gags, and skimpy disgusting waitress outfits they planned to wrap the girls up in were bursting into flames in their hands. When Barth looked back, he let out a girlish scream and peed in his pants.

Electricity cackled around Mae, Nosferatu’s life-sucking orbs spun about Genny, and Celica’s arms were engulfed in the flames of not an ordinary fire spell, but Ragnarok. While Celica was better known for her kind, forgiving nature, her glowing irises screamed bloody murder.

“And one last thing. Even if you did happen to capture us, you’re forgetting we don’t need swords or lances. We can do magic and, last I checked, all you brigand-type enemies have the most pathetic resistance stat in the game.”

The braver pirates were attempting to rush at the girls, but Boey, Valbar, and Kamui’s high defense stats provided cover while Mae, Saber and Leon picked them off. Genny provided healing and, if she needed it, used her that wonderful Nosferatu spell to suck the life from the pirates.

As his men dropped like flies, Barth began to back up as Celica approached him. She looked almost as magnificent as the Earth Mother. She raised her hand, powerful magic humming at her fingertips, as she said probably the most out of character line to a terrified Barth.

“ _Goodbye you little shit_.”

All the pirates in that keep were killed. The people Celica saved thanked her and practically kissed the ground at her feet. After the war, she ultimately married Alm, but also married Mae, who was married to Boey as well. As queen of Valentia, she also made sure to give an order that any asshole who didn’t practice safe and consensual BDSM was to be jailed.

All was right in the world.


End file.
